I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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