dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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