I accidentally burped into my bong.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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