Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize