hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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