you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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