Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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