will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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