i already hear my dad disowning me
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
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Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
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Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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