someone threw a dead crab at me
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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