You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize