it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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