Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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