This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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