Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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