I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
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Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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