and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize