I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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