Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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