Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize