dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
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