He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize