Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
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I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
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We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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