My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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