First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize