Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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