whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize