Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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