just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can't special order awesome
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
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I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
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I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
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