he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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