well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
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The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
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GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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