Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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