That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize