I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
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I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
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The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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