you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My vagina just clenched in fear
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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