My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
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Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
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Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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