Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize