First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
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Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
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Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We are all done wearing pants today
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
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