lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
3pm strippers are depressing
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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