I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
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I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
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I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
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