i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
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He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
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My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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