i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
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Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
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The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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