broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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