My entire life is one complicated drinking game
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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