my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
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I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
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Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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