I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Someone signed my nipple.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize