I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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