i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize