Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
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I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
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THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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