Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
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some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
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I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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